Flight Jokes / Recent Jokes

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis whats left of our airplane to the gate!"

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a more...

In Mumbai Thursday, the father, mother and son of Ayub Kolsawala, one of those held in Amsterdam after an incident on a flight to India.

PARIS, Aug. 24 - Dutch authorities said Thursday that they were releasing all 12 passengers arrested on Wednesday after they aroused susp*cion on a Northwest Airlines flight to India and it made an emergency landing in Amsterdam.
The men, all Indian citizens or of Indian descent, had aroused the susp*cion of the crew and several federal air marshals when they began using and passing around cellphones soon after takeoff from Amsterdam, and ignored orders to keep their seat belts on and stay in their seats.
In a related story, Sprint tech support had over one-hour waits since 12 of their employees were unable to get to work.

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends with the letters' u-n-t?'"

Only one word leapt to mind…

"My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another more...

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

"This is Captain of your plane speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard Indian Airways flight 596 Bombay to GOA. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Arabian Sea.
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

A couple is travelling on a long distance overnight flight. Everyone is slowly drifting off. The flight attendants have served the last round of coffee and drinks, dimmed the cabin lights, and are resting. The couple carefully check over their fellow passengers. Finally, everyone appears to be asleep. One at a time, they furtively make their way to the bathroom at the rear of the cabin. Before closing the door, the last one in has a quick glance back over the cabin to make sure they haven't been spotted. There's rustling of clothes as they prepare themselves and get comfortable:
"Ready, dear?"
"Yes, darling."
"Oh, good! You remembered the condom."
"Quick, let's get it on and get started."
A little more rustling, then:
"Aaahhh!"
"Oohhhh!"
Suddenly, the intercom comes to life:
"This is your Captain speaking."
"To the two people in the toilet - we know exactly what you're up more...