Flight Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.

A crowded flight was cancelled and a single agent was in the process of rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an irate passenger pushed his way to the desk, slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I MUST be on this flight and it must be FIRST CLASS!"
"I'm sorry sir," the agent replied. "I will be more than happy to try to help you, but I must help these folks first. I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
Unimpressed, he yelled so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"
Without hesitation, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please?" her voice bellowed through the terminal. "There is a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS! If there is anyone who can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the passengers behind him laughing hysterically, he glared at more...

SMARTASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMARTASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your
stub."

SMARTASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMARTASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled more...

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

Not realizing that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard, a blonde inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a flight to Chicago.
"The next flight to Chicago departs at 1:00 PM," the ticket agent said, "and arrives at 1:01 PM."
"Would you mind repeating that, please?" asked the blonde.
The agent repeated the information and then asked, "Would you care to make a reservation, sir?"
"No, thank you," replied the blonde, "but I do think I'll stick around and watch that thing take off."

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re- booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I
HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your
attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the more...

While awaiting the arrival of our "puddle jumper" airplane for the return flight across Jamaica to the major airport, I sat wringing my hands and trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of the tiny airplane and a very bumpy flight.

Suddenly, an old fire truck began speeding down the runway, toward the arriving airplane, with sirens blaring. Frantic now, I implored the ticket agent to tell me what was happening.

She calmly answered, "Oh they just do that to clear the landing strip of chickens!"