Flock Jokes / Recent Jokes

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure!"
The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "You have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
"This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the more...

Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair. She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep." The farmer says "OK". The brunette says "485". The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back". the brunette says "OK". The farmer says "blonde". The brunette says how did you know. The farmer says you just picked the dog.

The bitter winter was almost over when one shepherd confessed to the other that he could hardly wait until it was time to shear their flock. The other shepherd nodded, rubbing his hands togather in anticipation.
"It will be great selling the wool and spending money on wine and women, eh?"
"That's not it," his friend said. "I just can't WAIT to see them naked!"

There was a blonde named Candi. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. So one day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

With her new car, she went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

"Well, thank you," said the herder.

"Tell you what... I have a proposition for you," said the woman.

"Okay," replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman.

"Sure."

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."

"Wow!" said the herder, "That's amazing. You're exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep more...

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock. ”
The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big flock, so he takes the bet.
The man looks around and answers, “869. ” The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
The shepherd says, “Okay, I’m a man of my word, take an animal. ” The man picks one up and begins to walk away.
“Wait, ” cries the shepherd, “let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation. ” The man agrees.
“You are an accountant for the government, ” says the shepherd.
“Amazing! ” responds the man. “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that? ”
“Well, ” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you. ”