Floor Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.
"I've been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
"Well," said the older physician, "you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
"You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor more...
POE and PCs
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must more...
201. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician
202. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
203. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ???
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
204. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
205. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
206. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
207. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
208. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
209. Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
210. Q: What more...
Some rednecks were sitting around talking about how smart their dogs were.
One redneck spoke up and said, "I'll tell you what boys, I house trained my hound dog Jake when he was just a pup. When he pooped on the floor, I would stick his nose in it and throw him out the door."
"Now," he continued, "when he poops on the floor, he sticks his own nose in it and jumps out the window."
A young criminal dies in a road accident and instead of going to heaven ends up at the gates of Hell to be met by the Devil himself.' Welcome' says the Devil. The young thug is thinking to himself' this is not what I expected'.
Instead of the fire and brimstone and the gates of Hades all there was was a long corridor going off into the distance with heavy wooden doors bolted on both sides. The Devil says' You now have to choose the punishment that will be yours for all eternity to pay for your sins whilst on earth. Pick the room behind one of these doors and forever be damned!'
The Devil opens the first door to a scene that almost makes the young man sick. Tied to the wall is a man groaning in agony, there is a great hole where his stomach should be, his entrails are slowly being pulled out on to the floor by a group of evil looking dwarves.' Torture for all eternity, no thanks' thinks the young man and he signals the Devil to open another door further down the more...
201. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician202. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.203. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ??? A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children! 204. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.205. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.206. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.207. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.208. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.209. Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie? A: She liked to be filled with cream.210. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period? A: Looked around for the bastard that more...
In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man's mouth.