Florence Jokes / Recent Jokes

Florence Flask was... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!"
"Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead."
"No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette... We must call a copper."
Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium.
"We must be careful - he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway...
- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"

Here are a selection of jokes from the Washington Post -- if you don't get' em, the * are explained at the bottom...

-------------------------------------
JOKE 1

An American tourist in Italy is constipated for a week, but when he arrives in Florence, the water is better and his condition goes away. "With Firenze* like this," he said, "who needs enemas?"

JOKE 2

Dr. Smith: My son passed calculus* but he wasn't at all happy about it.
Dr. Jones: Why not?
Dr. Smith: It was the size of a pea!
Dr. Jones: Hahaha-ha.

JOKE 3

A young American woman is touring Germany. She is walking down the street when a sleazy guy jumps out of an alley and opens his raincoat. "Ewww," she shrieks. "That's gross." "Danke schoen," he says.

JOKE 4

Did you hear about the incompetent Hawaiian vulcanologist? He didn't know his a'a's* from a hole in the more...

Florence Flask was. .. dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!"

"Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead."

"No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette. .. We must call a copper."

Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium.

"We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway. ..

-- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"

The Italian city of Florence is planning to revoke the lifetime exile "on pain of death" it imposed seven hundred years ago on Renaissance poet Dante Aleghieri for supporting the wrong political party. Critics argue that posthumously overturning his exile is a stunt to move his body back to Florence as a tourist attraction. Said a critic of the move, "Everyone knows it would take an Italian much longer than 700 years to let go of a grudge."