Follow Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized in both ends.
2. Tuesday at 4 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk come early.
3. Thursday at 5 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the pastor in his study.
4. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the altar.
5. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
6. A bean super will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.
7. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Belzer.
8. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
9. Remember more...
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.Each day I try to enjoy more...
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your
underwear during a fire drill.
Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked the thoroughly sozzled gentleman.
"Shertainly," said the drunk, "and if you'll jush open the door f' me, I'll prove it to you.
"You shee that piano?" the drunk began. "Thash mine. You shee that television set? Thash mine, too. Follow me, follow me."
The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.
"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee that bed? Thash my bed. Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An' shee that guy lying next to her?"
"Yeah," said the cop suspiciously.
"Thash me!"
Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school a
couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the big boys. He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it.
She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him.
Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking more...
Following is the dialog of what was 'apparently' an actual phone conversation between a WordPerfect user and a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
"Hello. May I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"Yes. They disappeared."
"Hmmmm. What does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How can I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a C-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your more...
Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor? ------------------------------------------------ November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth." ------------------------------------------------ November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation. ------------------------------------------------ November 8, 1996 - more...