Followed Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a blonde going on a hunting trip. The hunters told her to wait by the truck and they would be back in a minute. The blonde heard a gunshot and out of the woods came the first hunter with a deer hanging over his shoulder. "How did you get that deer?", the blonde asked. "Well I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and shot it. Then the blonde heard a second gunshot. The second hunter came out of the woods with a bear slung over his shoulder. "How did you get that bear?". "Well I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and shot it. Then the blonde asks for his gun determined to get something better than the two hunters. She walked into the woods and she saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and then she got hit by a train.

The sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor was not very good at it, and uttered a loud "F***, missed!" each time he missed.
The priest tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn't take it anymore. "Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you."
It didn't make a difference; the sailor continued unabated. One stroke after another, the sailor played badly, and followed up with "F***, missed!"
Again, the priest said, "Do not utter such profanities, or God will show you a sign." It didn't help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud "F***, missed!"
A bolt of lightning dropped out of the clouds and struck the priest dead. A voice was heard in the clouds: "F***, missed!"

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

Submitted by Darcy

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.' Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with' Fine'.

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD more...

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill, "what happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line." Animals
A blind guy "One morning a blind guy was walking down the street.
As he was walking he passed by a fish market, took a whiff, and said "Good morning ladies!"

Keywords and their meanings:
FINE:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" more...

Then there was the student who followed the examples of Caesar, Napoleon, and Patton ana. went down in history.. . .