Foot Jokes / Recent Jokes

STATE OF CALIFORNIADEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 1700 "J" STREETSACRAMENTO, CA 95368PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATHGOVERNOR DIRECTORBULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIESALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILESFROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCESUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion. 2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of more...

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

1> Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.

2> Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg's already dry.

3> Counselor greets you with, "Well, if it isn't Princess Pathetic!"

4> Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.

5> Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.

6> You're host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.

7> They've voted to change their name to "Cathie Haters Anonymous."

8> Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn't moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.

9> Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn't recruited a female member.

10> Their 12-step program: "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about..."

11> "Parents Without more...

There was a man who had problems with his penis getting hard. So he went to a doctor and said,"Doctor, can you please help me?"
The doctor said,"Well we can put on replacement penis." There was a wood one, a metal one, and a 20 foot penis.
The man said,"Yes, that will really help.. I'll take the wood one." The doctor told him to come back the next day to let him know how he liked it.
The next day he came back and said,"Doctor, the wood penis is giving my girlfriend splinters and we can't have that."
The doctor said,"Well, try the metal one and come back and tell me how it works."
The next day he came back and said,"Doctor, its not working right. It's too cold for my girlfriend."
The doctor said,"Well, I haven't let any one try the 20 foot one yet but there is a first for everything." Just like the other ones, he told the man to come back.
The next day he did and he said,"Doctor, I more...

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun more...

Having her hair done at a West Hempstead beauty parlor, a woman told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice. The story deserves a wider audience.

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City the woman related, she won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slot for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she would stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator bank.

As she was about to walk into an elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big. Very big. An intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen, even if one of them is awfully black. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt more...

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen.
Q: What do you call a boy with one foot in the door?
A: Justin.
Q: What do you call a girl who gambles?
A: Betty.
Q: What do you call a girl with one foot on either side of the river?
A: Bridget.
Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug.
Q: What do you call a girl with only one pants leg?
A: Jean.
Q: What do you call a man who's a talented painter?
A: Art.
Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack.
Q: What do you call a lady in the distance?
A: Dot.
Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily.
Q: What do you call a man with numbers down his front?
A: Bill.
Q: What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel.
Q: What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?
A: Warren.
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.
Q: What do more...