Foot Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds,
is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

*The Hokey Pokey*
Original LyricsPut your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.*The Hokey Pokey*
Shakespearean StyleO proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say,' tis what it's all about.

In Prison... You spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 foot cell.
At Work... You spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 foot cubicle.
In Prison... You're given three meals a day.
At Work... You're given a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In Prison... You get time off for good behavior.
At Work... You get rewarded for good bahavior with more work.
In Prison... A guard locks/unlocks all doors for you.
At Work... You carry a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself.
In Prison... You get to watch TV and play games.
At Work... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In Prison... You have your own toilet.
At Work... You have to share.
In Prison... All expenses are paid for by taxpayers with no work required.
At Work... You pay all the expenses to go to work and then have taxes deducted from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In Prison... Most of your time is spent looking through the bars from the more...

Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.
To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.
Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.
Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.
It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.
Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.
Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop more...

A lady called the police to report that her husband was missing.
The police arrived and asked for a description of her husband. She told them that he was 6 foot 2 inches tall with blonde wavy hair and a smile that made everyone love him.
The police proceeded to go next door to ask the neighbor if she had any information about the man. The lady next door, astonished at the description given to the police by her neighbor, told the police, "That's not true. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, is bald and has a perpetual frown on his face."
After the police left, the neighbor went to ask why the woman had given the police a false description of her husband.
She replied, "Just because I reported him missing doesn't mean I want him back!"