Foot Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot.
The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot.
The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
The elephant then continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself.
It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the States.
He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it KNOWS him.
The man wonders, "Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look.
With the elephant still giving him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the elephant's face.
It reaches down... picks the man up more...

Searching for the perfect gift for his dear wife who loved animals and birds in particular, a man dropped in to the local pet shop to see if he could come up with an idea. The pet store manager told the man, "I have just the thing you're looking for, a bird named Chet".
Impressed with the look of the bird as the manager pointed out "Chet" on the near by perch, the man was even more intrigued when the manager pointed out that "Chet" could sing Christmas Carols.
Approaching the bird "Chet", the manager took out his lighter and said "Yes, just listen." As the manager lit his lighter and moved it gently below Chets right foot the bird immediately broke into "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all..." but then, when the manager moved the lighter below Chet's left foot, the bird switched to "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the one's...".
Astonishment was the only way to describe the husband's more...

A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife. So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back. "Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal" the salesman said. "What makes him so special?" the man asked. The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells.." and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing "Deck the halls..." So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?" "Well I don't know" answered the salesman. So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing... "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas shopping, and sees a parrot for sale. He asks the clerk what the parrot's name is and the clerk tells him it's Chet. He also tells the man that this is one amazing parrot. If you put a match under his left foot, it sings Jingle Bells, and if you put a match under its left foot, it sings Deck the Halls. The man thinks that is the coolest thing he's ever seen, so he decides to buy it for his wife. So he gets home, and puts it away. Then he wonders what will happen if he puts it a match between its legs, so he tries it, and the parrot starts singing Chet's nuts roasting over an open fire...

Some things I've learned from my children:
Super glue "is" forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive more...

Definition: A manager is a person who thinks that nine women can produce a child in one month.
Robots: Our Steel Collar Workers.
Q: What’s the difference between Xerox and the Titanic?
A: The Titanic had a band.
Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
A: A dependent Claus.
Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors?
A: A superior being.
Q: What is the difference between big foot and a socially responsible banker?
A: Big foot has been sighted.
Q: Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: “Don’t Walk. ”
Q: How do you confuse a bank teller?
A: Give him a bag of M&M’s and tell him to alphabetize them.
Q: Why is a BMW a banker’s favorite car?
A: Because he can’t spell Porsche.
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude
If more...

Some things I've learned from my children:Super glue "is" forever.No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop abaseball hit by a ceiling fan.Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.VCR's do not eject more...