Foot Jokes / Recent Jokes
The drunk stumbled into a podiatrist's office, mistaking it for a whorehouse.
The nurse asked him his name, then told him to go behind the screen and stick it out. So, naturally, the drunk weaved over the screen, dropped his pants, and stuck his dick through the screen.
The nurse walked over, shrieked, and dropped her tray of instruments. "That's not a foot!" she screamed.
The drunk replied, "Sshorry, lady! I didn't know there was a minimum!"
1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
8. LEGOS will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old....
9. Super glue is forever.
10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on more...
wuts the difference between a hard working black man and big foot
big foot has already been spotted
Dear friends and family,
I shall be making your Christmas presents this year, so let me
know your sizes. Christmas is tight for me this year, but I've
learned to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads You need four
maxis to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot
part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the
foot part. Then decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk
flowers, etc. and you're done.
These slippers are soft AND Hygienic. Non-slip grip strips on
the soles, plus the built-in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling
fresh. No more bending over to mop up spills, either! They're
disposable and biodegradable, and environmentally safe. Not only
that, but they come in three convenient sizes, Regular, Light day,
and Get out the Sand Bags.
Have the Happiest of holidays........
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Bob was driving home after a day at the construction site; over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph.
Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going BOY?" Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and your getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good look at the young bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob said, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a cunt stretcher," replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?!!" asked the patrolman. more...
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."