Force Jokes / Recent Jokes
Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday`s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Week 8 - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday`s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14 - Memo No. 6
The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled more...
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat`s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat`s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden more...
Paris (Associated Press) French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Fran?s (French Surrender Battalion) of the? ranger L?on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces. "Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American more...
After years in the work force, someone finally concluded that an employer is someone who`s late when you`re early and early when you`re late.
At the time of Indo-Pak war in 1971, Pakistan Air Force had just acquired the state of the art Sabre jet from US. The jet had some outstanding technical features which were being explained by a US instructor to some trainee Paksitani pilots. The US instructor explained the aircraft`s automatic take off, automatic maneuvring, automatic supersonic acceleration, automatic weapon loading and automatic firing.
Eventually, one Pakistani pilot asked, "Sir, How do we land this aircraft?"
The US instructor said, "Son, Leave that to the Indian Air Force."
Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest. To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!""YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention. The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general." Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off." YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the more...
Q: What's the difference between Iraq's air force and the United State's Air Force?
A: The U.S. pilots break ground and fly into the wind.