Force Jokes / Recent Jokes
Taken from Quakers Are Funny! by Chuck Fager, Kimo Press, 1987:
One World War II Quaker conscientious objector had been a
professional wrestler. Once when he and some other inmates of the
Coshocton CPS camp in Ohio made a trip into town, they were hassled
about their pacifism by some local youths, who insisted that only
force could change the German's views.
In response, the ex-wrestler took off his coat, challenged one of
the local boys to a match, and promptly threw the townie across the
room. He then asked the youth, "Now do you believe that force won't
change people's views?"
"Heck no!" the local boy hollered back.
"That's exactly my point," said the Quaker, who put on his coat and left.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field andcivilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the controltower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from anaircraft asking, "What time is it?"The tower responded, "Who is calling?"The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is anAmerican Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it isan Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little handis on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws firmly. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat more...
A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan. He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander. He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility. Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."
Aftrer serving in Afganistan, some GIs were were lucky to spend the festive season with their families. The lucky ones were in Germany to catch the connecting flight to the USA. Yet there was a considerable dealy in waiting. Hence, the last remaining nine Officers were requested to share a large army style room.
There were three of each from the Army, Ari Force and Navy respectively. As allocated they grouped into three sections of the same hall. When they were about to settle in their beds an actractive young blond was also brought to the very place as there were no accomadation anywhere else. The co-operative entertainer, did not mind in sharing the same hall as there was no other alaternative.
Following morning at the breakfast the waiter asked each group what they would like to drink. The Army, Air Force and Navy settled down with black coffee. The blond ordered, Indian Tea with no milk and suger. The the waiter asked how come she not settle for coffee. She promptly more...
All kids play knock down ginger....So they are very pleased to know that a company employs people to play that game now... its called Parcel Force.