Forced Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a telemarketer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer's house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu says, "I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn." So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It's the Hindu and he says, "There is a cow in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow."

So, the Rabbi says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn." A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it's the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn.

So, the telemarketer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door.

It's the pig and the cow...

An orthodox rabbi is studying in his living room, when there is a knock on the door. When he opens the door, it is a policeman, who informs him that the rivers are rising, a flood is expected, and evacuation is recommended.
The rabbi explains, "I am a man of God. I am sure he will protect me from danger."
The policeman shrugs his shoulders and leaves.
As the rabbi is watching the rising water getting closer and closer to his house, there is a second knock, this time a State Trooper.
The trooper says, "Rabbi, we are evacuating the area as the flood is getting serious and you are in jeopardy."
Again the rabbi explains, "I am a man of God. I am sure he will protect me from danger. I am staying."
Well, the water continues to rise, until the rabbi is forced to stay on the second floor.
He hears some yelling and looks up to see two firemen in a rowboat right outside his second floor window. "Rabbi!" one of the more...

Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go."
Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him.
The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??"
Again, Bob makes love to a bear.
The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before.
This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

The brand-new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve. They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. and on Dec. 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On Dec. 19 a terrible tempest--a driving rainstorm-- hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business more...

GOD will save me The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said "GOD will save me". The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save him. Again he said "GOD will save me". Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on the roof of his house. A helicopter came by and tried to save him and yet again he said "GOD will save me". It wasn't long before the house was completely covered and the man died and went to heaven. He confronted God with "Why didn't you save me, GOD?" And God said " I sent you the police, a boat and a helicopter. Why did you stay in the house?"

It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the more...

Albert Garcia Jr. sued the state in 1992 because the Ely State Prison began delivering his legal mail from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. He claimed the delivery time interfered with his sleeping pattern.
Kenneth Parker sued the state because he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter from the prison canteen at Nevada State Prison in 1989 but received one jar of chunky and one jar of creamy peanut butter. While Parker was later given the peanut butter he requested, he still pursued the case, and it was later dismissed.
Randall Wildeman sued the state in 1991 because a Nevada State Prison officer destroyed the bras and bikini panties he had in his cell. Wildeman claimed he was making women's clothing to be sent as gifts.
Michael Sims sued the state in 1994 on the grounds that a prison guard at the Ely State Prison was calling him names. Sims said the guard called him a "faggot" and a "snitch" and put him in a life-threatening situation.
Donald Ferris sued Nevada more...