Forehead Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so." "Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and more...
Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman appear in the driver's rear-view mirror.' 'Don't worry!'' says the driver to his friend,' 'Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, we'll peel the labels off our beer bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!'' They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks.' 'Have you been drinking?'' he asks them.' 'Oh no Sir,'' replies the driver.' 'I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven't been drinking?'' the cop asks.' 'Oh, no sir,'' the drunk answers.' 'We haven't had a thing to drink tonight.''' 'Well, I've got to ask you,'' says the cop,' 'What on earth are those things on your forehead?''' 'That's easy, Officer,'' says the drunk.' 'You more...
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice
archery
by aiming for the red dot on their wife's forehead.
In fact,
this is one of the reasons why they had many wives.
Q. You're from India, aren't you? I have read so much
about
the country. All the wonderful places, the forests,
the
snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use
elephants
for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own
elephant. But
later to save air, we started elephant-pooling with
our
neighbors, You see elephants have an "emissions"
problem.....
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is
trying to
encourage elephant-pooling schemes.
Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even the tigers are more...
Vince, a devout Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack. One day, he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race. Vince was very anxious to see what the priest did in the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Vince made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Vince collected his winning and again anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Vince bet on it, and it won! Vince was elated. As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always more...
During Sabbath services the Rabbi kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
The Cantor looks at him, thinks it couldn't hurt, and kneels, puts his forehead to the floor, and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
Ben Shapiro in the fifth row is watching this and thinking that it was a pretty good idea, so he goes in the middle of the aisle, kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
The Rabbi nudges the Cantor. "Look who thinks he's nothing!"
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? it's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"
The wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
"Fix the fridge door?... Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so.", replies the husband.
"Fine", she says, "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps", he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he more...