Foreign Jokes / Recent Jokes
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him.
The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said.
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
"Second, I want more...
A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIScountry there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love. Ray listened patiently. "That's amazing. Where I come fromthere's really only one.""Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one? And which way is that?""Well, there's a man and there's a woman. . . ""Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"
Winners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter and provide a definition for the new expression
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID:
Honk if you're Scottish
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?:
Can you drive a French motorcycle?
VENI, VIPI, VICI:
I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered.
COGITO EGGO SUM:
I think; therefore I am a waffle.
RIGOR MORRIS:
The cat is dead.
QUE SERA SERF:
Life is feudal.
LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI:
The king is dead. No kidding.
POSH MORTEM:
Death styles of the rich and famous.
PRO BOZO PUBLICO:
Support your local clown.
MONAGE A TROIS:
I am three years old.
HASTE CUISINE:
Fast French food.
QUIP PRO QUO:
A fast retort.
ALOHA OY:
Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should never know.
MAZEL TON:
Tons of luck.
VISA LA FRANCE:
Don't leave your chateau without more...
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat
runs away."See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
I got this stuff from one of my friend: Overheard at the Bharatiya Janata Party office in Bombay:
Person 1 (to another who was smoking a foreign made cigarette): "You claim to be staunch advocate of the swadeshi (locally-made) movement, then why are you smoking a foreign cigarette?"
Person 2 replied: "Where am I smoking the cigarette? I am simply burning it to ashes."
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
"Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the more...