Forget Jokes / Recent Jokes
An 80-year-old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they carry a notebook and write things down so they wouldn`t forget. Several days later the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you`re up."
"Okay." he said. "... and put some chocolate syrup on it and a few cherries on it, too." She added. "You`d better write all this down."
"I won`t forget." He said. Twenty minutes later he came back into the room and handed her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon.
She glared at him. "Now, I told you to write it down! I knew you`d forget." "What did I forget?" He asked.
She replied, "My toast!"
1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
12. Paranoids are people, too; they more...
1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but more...
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters –
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you`ve forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can`t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your more...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Fourty-five years.
5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 498. Q: And where is milepost 498? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well.
8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? more...