Forward Jokes / Recent Jokes
Definitions of A Diplomat:
Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.
Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.
Can always make himself misunderstood.
Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.
Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable.
Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi.
Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.
Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.
Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.
Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.
Can make nothing sound like something.
Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes.
Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.
Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his more...
Definitions of A Diplomat:Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.Can always make himself misunderstood.Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable.Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi.Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.Can make nothing sound like something.Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on.Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes.Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head.Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look forward to the more...
THE “FORWARDER’S” 12 STEP PROGRAM
Sometimes friends have to tell you things you might not like to hear, but need too. Everyone say it with me…
1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON’T forward an e-mail!
2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.
3) Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money. Victoria Secret doesn’t know anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me.
4) Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
5) I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.
6) I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail!(If you do, you have a virus or trojan.)
7) There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone more...
There was a blonde, brunette, and a red head they were running from the cops and ran into a shooting zone. The officer said brunette step forward. She steps forward and then the shooters yell READY...AIM... and the brunette yells TORNADO! And everyone looks around and the brunette sneeks away.
Then the shooters said red head step froward and they yelled..READY...AIM... and the red head yells HURRICANE! and they all look around and the red head sneaks away.
Then they said blonde step forward...they yelled READY...AIM... and the blonde yells FIRE!!
We're off to see the wizard....
The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I. .. think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. more...
The last four U. S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard." WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:"I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage." "No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain." "Done" says the Wizard." Who comes next before the Great Wizard?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that Ineed a heart." "I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done." Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD more...