Forward Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. Demonstrate your skills! commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! What a feat! said the Emperor. Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do. The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered! That is skill! nodded the Emperor. How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai? Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, more...
This man shows up at his doctor's office to get patched up. He has obviously been severely beaten about the head and shoulders. His doctor tapes him up and asks him, "What in the hell happened to you?"
"You won't believe this doc, it happened in church."
"In church? How?"
"The minister told us all to stand and sing hymn 317. When we stood up, I noticed the woman standing in front of me had her dress pushed up her butt. So I reached forward and pulled it out. She beat the crap out of me with her umbrella."
Several weeks later, the man shows up at his doctor, all beaten up again. Again the doctor patches him up and asks him about what happened.
"It happened in the same church."
"Again?"
"Yes. The minister told us to all stand and sing hymn 317. When we stood up, the same woman was in front of me, with her dress up her butt. The woman standing next to her noticed that and pulled it out. I knew more...
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a more...
At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out,
"Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your
brother died last night."
The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. "Sergeant," he said
afterwards, "that's a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic
news. We must be more gentle and less abrupt in the future,"
The sergeant shrugged. "Yes sir. I'll try to remember that." He didn't
look very convinced.
Several days later, a call came in about another family death. As the
troops were assembling for roll call, the Chaplain stepped forward.
"Let me take this one, sergeant", he said. He turned toward the
sleepy-looking soldiers and said, "Platoon, atten-HUT! " They came to
attention. "Good morning, men!" he said. "Good morning, sir", they
replied. "Men, today is Mother's Day, and I hope all of you more...
I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!
I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.
Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.
Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.
I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail. .. NEVER --NEVER! !
There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!
There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now more...
A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades - he had sucessfully cloned a human being.
He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel.
When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data - his pictures, his charts, his graphs - to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there.
This clone was an imaginative clone. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice.
Trying to regain control, the scientist ushered the clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would more...
A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades - he had sucessfully cloned a human being.He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel.When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data - his pictures, his charts, his graphs - to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there.This clone was an imaginative clone. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice.Trying to regain control, the scientist ushered the clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would go unheard.The more...