Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes
One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call. Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: "I spit in my beer."When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer, too!"
Fred, "My uncle had a 3 ring circus."
George, "No shit?"
Fred, "Yeah, him & 2 other assholes!"
Fred: Knock, Knock...
Amy: Whos there???
Fred: Baby Blue
Amy: Baby Blue who???
Fred: MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..." "Fred," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana."
Fred: So how was your wedding night?
Ted: Very good until the morning after. i forgot where i was and i said to my wife "you were wonderful. here's $100"
Fred: That's not bad. She might not guess that you thought she was a hooker.
Ted: but she gave me back $50 and told me to keep the change.
Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."
The doctor says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation."
Fred replies, "Doc, I just want to be castrated and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?"
The doctor says, "Well, okay, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but alright."
He puts Fred to sleep, does the operation and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up. "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks.
"It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did more...