Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated." Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into orwhat your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation." Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a littleembarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here.Will you do it?" Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK." He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at thebedside when Fred wakes up. "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks. "It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of anoperation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I wentahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to becircumcised, and I hope you don't more...

On a sunny morning Fred woke up. His wife sat beside him, looking very angry.
'Who is Martha!?' she shouted, 'spit it out!'
'Calm down', Fred said, 'what's your problem?'
'My problem is: you called her name I think six times while you slept! WHO IS SHE?'
'Oh, she's a horse I bet on last week.'
So they did their things and when Fred came home from work that night, his wife looked at him.
'What's the deal?' Fred asked.
'Your horse called', his wife replied...

Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was.
"It was great!" said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion....it started chasing me....at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped! He caught up again, and I could smell his foul breath right behind me, but he slipped again! Then he was so close, his paw reached out, inches away from my shoulders. Yet he slipped, for the third time! That is when I spotted a car and got a ride back here!"
"Wow!", says George, "If that happened to me I would Have wet my pants!!" Fred looks at him and says
"What do you think the lion kept slipping on?"

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing. "I'm not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred." "But you can't write," Mom pointed out. "That's all right," said Betty, "Fred can't read."

Fred had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his priest. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives.
The preacher felt obliged to respond. "I have observed," said he in a calm voice, "that the best golfers do not use foul language."
"I guess not, said Fred, "what the hell do they have to swear about?"

Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I." Fred: I is. . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am." Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Fred was getting out of his car to go to an electronics store and had his dog in the car with him. "Stay," said Fred.
A blond was witnessing all this and said to Fred, "Would it just be easier to put it in park?"