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Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change $20. 00 Coffee $1. 00 Total $21. 00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50. 00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20. 00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms more...

A fellow from the city was driving through the country one day when he came
upon a quaint farmhouse alongside of the road - and there was even a farmer
standing out front. So the city boy decided to stop and talk to the farmer.
"Good morning, sir," he said, "I was driving by, admiring the country, 'cause
I'm a city boy, and I couldn't help but notice that you have a field full of
cows on your farm. Now I've lived in the city all my life and I've never
tried any fresh country milk. If it's all right with you, I'd like to try
some fresh country milk from your cows."
The farmer replied, "Son, those are bulls! You don't get milk from bulls!!"
And the city boy said, "But I won't hurt your cows. All I want to do is to
try some fresh country milk."
The farmer had to try again, "Son, those are BULLS! You don't get milk from
BULLS!!!"
But the city boy persisted, "Really, I won't hurt your more...

You have to read the whole thing: The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for the High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. 2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. 3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has more...

Martha Stewart vs Me...Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and more...

WOMEN
Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee.
15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
MEN
Go to auto parts store and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to auto parts store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
Clean up.
Have another beer while oil is draining.
Look for oil filter wrench.
Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips more...

This was actually printed in a Home Economics book in the 50's intended to prepare girls for marriage. How times have changed!
Have dinner ready
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting
him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are
hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a
little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives,
gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband
will feel he more...