"50's vs 90's Women" joke

This was actually printed in a Home Economics book in the 50's intended to prepare girls for marriage. How times have changed!
Have dinner ready
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting
him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are
hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a
little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives,
gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband
will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
Prepare the children
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair,
and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them
playing the part.
Minimize the noise
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to
encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad
to see him. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Some DON'TS
Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this
as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
Make him comfortable
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or
warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.
Listen to him
You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him
talk first.
Make the evening his
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment;
instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.
The Goal:
Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

Now the updated version for the' 90s woman
Have dinner ready
Make reservations ahead of time. If your day becomes too hectic just leave him a voice mail
message regarding where you'd like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day has
been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood.
Prepare yourself
A quick stop at the "LANCOME" counter on your way home will do wonders for your outlook and will
keep you from becoming irritated every time he opens his mouth. (Don't forget to use his credit
card!)
Clear away the clutter
Call the housekeeper and tell her that any miscellaneous items left on the floor by the children
can be placed in the Goodwill box in the garage.
Prepare the children
Send the children to their rooms to watch television or play Nintendo Video-Games. After all,
both of them are from his previous marriages.
Minimize the noise
If you happen to be home when he arrives, be in the bathroom with the door locked.
Some DON'TS
Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Let him speak first, and then your complaints will
get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don't complain if he's late
for dinner; simply remind him that the leftovers are in the refrigerator and you left the dishes
for him to do.
Make him comfortable
Tell him where he can find a blanket if he's cold. This will really show you care.
Listen to him
But don't ever let him get the last word.
Make the evening his
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; go
with a friend or go shopping (and again - use his credit card).
The Goal:
Try to keep things amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around
him. Obviously he's wrong, it revolves around you.