Fresh Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.
"Really bad," said the second bee, "the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey
"No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."
"Thanks for the tip" said the second bee and flew away.
A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, "How'd it go?"
"Fine," said the second bee, "It was everything you said it would be." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.
"That's my yarmulka," said the second bee, "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.
"Really bad," said the second bee, "the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey
"No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."
"Thanks for the tip" said the second bee and flew away.
A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, "How'd it go?"
"Fine," said the second bee, "It was everything you said it would be."
"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.
"That's my yarmulka," said the second bee, "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
Definitely from the "B" list... :-)
Origin unknown.
Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going."Really bad," said the second bee, "the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey"No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.""Thanks for the tip" said the second bee and flew away.A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, "How'd it go?""Fine," said the second bee, "It was everything you said it would be." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee."That's my yarmulka," said the second bee, "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play more...
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself." I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said." I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.