Frozen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men died and met at the gates of heaven. One man asked the other - friend. How did you die? The other man said - a
Burglar had entered our house. I was searching for him, when i slipped, broke my neck & died. How did you die? The 1st man
Replied - if only you had opened the fridge, i would not have frozen to death!

A woman brings a Parrot home from the pet store and names it Fred. One afternoon the bird begins to talk and says, "Fuck You, Fuck You." The lady is shocked and calmly tells the bird that it is not nice to swear. She further warns that if he persist she will have to take more drastic action. Several days go by and the bird continues to curse her. One afternoon when the lady has company, Fred begins his usual stuff and the lady looses her temper and throws him in the freezer. Several hours pass before the lady remembers what she had done. She quickly takes him out and puts him down on the table. Fred is just shivering and almost Frozen solid. After warming up a while the lady asked Fred, "Have you learned your lesson?" Fred shivers and says, "Yes, but just one question. What in the hell did that turkey in there say?"

On the twelfth day of AOL those buttheads gave to me,
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail,
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnections,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech help,
3 error messages,
2 pieces of junk mail,
and a jerk cursing in a chat room.

A dating Amish couple Elizabeth and Eli, are riding down the road in their buggy. It's
mid January and very cold. Elizabeth says to Eli,
"My feet are frozen solid."
Eli says,
"Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."
Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks,
"Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"
Eli answers,
"That's my penis, it's frozen solid.. Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."
The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother,
"Ma, what do you know about penises?"
Her mother retorts,
"I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"
Elizabeth replies,
"I know one thing, they sure are messy when they melt!"

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochy cooh...?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

The more...

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," you don't understand.
"I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said,' PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."