Frozen Jokes / Recent Jokes
This fellow wants to live FOREVER, and at his death (he has an incurable disease) he wants his body frozen, to be thawed out at some later date and cured.. About a year later he dies... and his body is carefully prepared and quickly frozen as per his wishes...
He, in the mean time, gets to Heaven, sees St Peter at the Pearly Gates, he is standing in line, waiting to get in, and pretty soon, it's his turn... St Peter asks his name, and the man tells him. Peter looks in his book, and says, take a seat.....
The next person in line gives his name, and Peter tells him to go on in.... This goes on for hundreds of people, and in the mean time, the man is sitting on this bench, along with 3-4 other people, wondering WHY can he not get in???
FINALLY, he can't stand it any longer, and goes and butts back in line, and demands to know WHY can he not get into heaven like all those other people... St Peter asks his name again, looks it up in his book, and says.. You died of a rare more...
1. Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
2. Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
3. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.
4. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
5. It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
6. Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful...magical animal.
7. Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late more...
The Tearful Bride...
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," you don't understand.
"I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
On the twelfth day of AOL those buttheads gave to me,
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail,
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnections,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech help,
3 error messages,
2 pieces of junk mail,
and a jerk cursing in a chat room.
The Tearful Bride...A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him.""Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.""No, mother," you don't understand."I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!""Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom."Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.""No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket.""Airplane ticket... What did you need an airplane ticket for?""Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife,"Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, coochie coo...?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?"
Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar... you know... the frozen glass..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding more...
This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party, so he says to his new bride, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochi cooh...?" asks his wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." replies the husband. The wife puts her hands on her hips and says to him, "You want a beer my love...?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries.The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is: "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar... you know... the frozen glass." He didn't get to finish saying the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face...?" She takes out of the freezer a huge beer mug so frozen that the wife was getting the chills from holding it. The husband more...