Frozen Jokes / Recent Jokes
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Frozen Barbie on a Stick. ..in your grocer's frozen food section
THE FEMALE STRESS DIET
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day:
Breakfast - I grapefruit, I slice whole-wheat toast, I cup of skim milk.
Lunch - Small portion of lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach, 1 cup of herbal tea, I Tim Tam.
Afternoon Tea - The rest of the packet of Tim Tams, I tub of Tip Top ice cream with chocolate topping, I jar of Nutella.
Dinner - 4 bottles of red wine, 2 loaves of garlic bread, I family size supreme pizza, 3 Snickers bars.
Late Night Snack - Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
Diet Rules
1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet Coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the chocolate is cancelled out by the diet Coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes does NOT count. (For example: more...
Q: Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
A: They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5 minutes.
A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells him that he will remain frozen until his whole family is there. That way, it would stop him from doing anything NOT with his family.
So, a couple years pass, and his wife appeared in heaven. She had died of age. She was frozen along with her spouse.
One more year passes, and one of their two kids arrive. He had died because he was shot. He was frozen along with them.
They all watch many more people enter heaven. They suddenly saw the milkman enter heaven. He did NOT have any family; he was adopted. But for some reason, he was frozen along with them.
The woman and the milkman's eyes each grew very big.
Finally, the last kid died of age MANY years later, and the woman, the angry husband, the milkman, and the 2 kids all were released from being frozen to go to heaven.
Three eskimo were talking about how cold it was when one mentioned that his igloo was as cold as he could remember. The eskimo said, “Come to my igloo and I’ll show you how cold it is.” So the three men trodded off to the igloo and there they found a can of beer frozen solid. The second eskimo said, “My igloo is much colder than this; come over and see what I mean.” So they took off for the second eskimo’s igloo to find that a fresh pot of hot coffee froze as it was poured into a cup. The third eskimo said, “That’s not cold, my igloo is so much colder than both of yours. Come over and see.” So they tracked through the snow to the third igloo where the eskimo pulled down the furs on his bed. The other two eskimo stared in amazement at 3 frozen balls that lay on the bed. The eskimo lit a match and held it under the three frozen balls and they burst with a ‘fart,’ ‘fart,’ ‘fart.’
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.BABY:1. Dad, when he gets a cold.2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.CARPOOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.COOK:1. Act of preparing food for consumption.2. Mom's other name.COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds on the sofa during Dallas Cowboy games.DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy more...