Fruit Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harry and Bert two intrepid explorers are walking through the jungle, when suddenly they are set upon by fierce man-eating cannibals. They are trussed up in a trice and carried off back to the cannibal's village,
Here they are stripped and placed in a big cauldron of water, the natives then start chopping up vegtables and throwing them into the water as well. Now Harry and Bert are a little preturbed to be next on the h'or deurves list so they call for the Chief of the cannibals.
Well, the Chief comes to see them and asks what they want. Harry and Bert ask the Chief if there is any way they can get out of being cooked and eaten by the cannibals. Well the Chief says there is the ancient test of the jungle fruits.
What do we have to do say the intrepid explorers. Well, says the Chief, you go off into the jungle and bring back a jungle fruit of some kind and we put you to a test, and if you can perform the test we will let you go free.
Seems fair, think our heros. So they more...

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished stoned jewelry.

"I am' Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.

"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich more...

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was:"Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said." Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve... we got Forbidden Fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, WAY!""Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry." Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "DID so!" "DID more...

Billy, Bobby and Joe had a spree in the fruit orchard. They tore all the fruit from the trees, gorged themselves, then threw fruit and generally vandalized the place. When the farmer caught them, he called the police and had them taken into custody. When the boys appeared before the judge after spending a night in jail, he asked them if they had learned their lesson. The first boy replied, "Yes, sir. All that fruit made me sick. My dad's a doctor, and he told me never to do that again!" The second boy was from a military family, "My dad told me that if I ever get in trouble with the law again, I can kiss Sandhurst goodbye!" The third boy told the judge, "You bet I won't do it. My dad's a lawyer, and I'm gonna sue that farmer for damages to my pants that got tore jumping his fence!"

In a very small village, a man goes to the village optician and tells him that he sees everything very small. The optician had only one hypermetric glasses left with him till he gets the new stock. Optician says please use them as much as you can. Anyway the man goes out of his shop and there is a fruit store. He indicates to the fresh fruits on a tray and asks " Eh naram je kharbooje da ki bha hai?
Fruit seller says"(e kharbooje nai angoor ne Bauji"

You will need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 eggs
2 cups of dried chopped fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
2-1/2 cups flour
1 cup brown sugar
1-1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped nuts
1 cup lemon juice
Bottle of your favorite whiskey
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large mixing bowl.
Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Try another cup.
Turn off the mixer. Break eggs and add to the bowl. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt... or something... anything... who cares.
Check the whishkey. Repeat.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain more...

the man tried the farmers fruit that tastes like peaches on 1 side and apples on the other. he ask the farmer how he did it and did he have any other exotic fruits.The farmer said yes, he had some that taste like pussy. The guy tasted it and immediately spit it out and said it taste like shit. The farmer said turn it over