Full Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,' The Law of the Garbage Truck'

He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." more...

Three Kids Were Playing. When The Conversation Began- First Kid: Oh God, I Want A Room Full Of Toys.
Second Kid: I Want A Room Full Of Chocolates.
Third Kid: Oh God, Please Grant The Keys Of Both These Rooms.

A restaurant full of lawyers was held hostage.
The bad guys threatened that, until all their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys... all on different limbs,... at different levels,... some climbing up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Not only rude, but ugly too.

Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game).

Not running on full thrusters.

Not shooting pool on a level table.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor.

Not the full quid.

Not the same since they took him off his medication.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer / tool in the shed.

Not Turing equivalent.

Not wrapped too tight.

Nothing between the stethoscopes.

Nothing on her radar.

Numb as a post / pounded thumb.

Number' n a hake. (New England expression; a notoriously stupid fish.)

Nutty as a fruitcake.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

Prelude:
Here it is! The REAL Windows FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) Version 4. 2e! The authors are still searching for more Windows/Microsoft/Bill Gates related experiences, short stories, origins and other jokes. Please send them to the support site mentioned at the end of this document.

01. Novice-Question: How do I recognize Windows?
If your screen is invaded by countless silly little icons no one is able to understand, if your computers speed is reduced to almost zero, if your hard disk is full, if you can't start your normal programs anymore, then indeed you have made the fatal mistake of acquiring Microsoft Windows!
02. Virgin-Questions: What exactly is Windows? Why do I need Windows?
Windows is a form of modern warfare. It's yet another attempt of the electronics industry to rape and destroy the minds of its unsuspecting victims. And of course you don't need Windows. It needs you. Bill Gates needs you to buy it to get even more rich and more...