Fun Jokes / Recent Jokes
Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
Here we are on Guam.
Without a hope of snow.
But though the spreading palms.
A typhoon sure can blow.
Santa Clause will know,
What the tropics will allow.
Instead of riding eight reindeer,
He'll ride a carabao.
Chorus:
Ohh, Jungle Bells, coconut shells,
Sticker burrs all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a two wheeled carabao sleigh.
Be watchful everyone
He'll send a telegram,
That today he'll be on Guam.
Send out by Uncle Sam
Santa will be here
To see what you have done
So let's all greet him. Ha! Ha! Ha!
And join him in the fun.
ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete lack of responsibility at the other end.
CANNIBAL - One who is apt to pass his best friend.
CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.
COOKIE - A virgin doughnut.
DANCE - A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen.
DIVORCE - What happens when two people cannot stomach each other any longer.
DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.
DIARY - Book of revelations.
DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go all over them without getting his face slapped.
ENEMA - A goose with a gush.
EXPLORATION - Beating more...
Praying ParrotsA lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but They only say "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'""That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship." So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say, "Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?" One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!"
A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex. The general maintained that sex was 60 per cent work and 40 per cent fun. The colonel said it was 75 per cent work and 25 per cent fun. The major thought it was 90 per cent work and 10 per cent fun. At the height of the argument, a private appeared at the door.
"Let's leave it to him," said the major.
The private listened carefully and said with an air of absolute finality, "If you will pardon me, Sirs, sex is 100 per cent fun and no work at all."
"How do you figure that?" cried the astonished officers.
"It is very simple," said the private. "If there was any work in it at all, you guys would have me doing it for you."
A lady goes to her priest one day and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, `Hi, we`re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?`"
"That`s obscene!" the priest exclaimed, and then, he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we`ll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrible thing-in no time at all."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution to my
problem."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest`s house. As more...