Funny Quizzes Jokes

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) more...

Ever wonder which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon characters. The gathered information has been incorporated into this quiz.Answer each question with the choice that most describes you at this point in your life, then add up the points that correspond with your answers. >1. Which describes your perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) See a movie >2. What is your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Christian >3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary >4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only
>these choices? a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender >5. Which would you rather do if more...

1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water more...

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton.3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.11. The average housefly lives for one month.12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.17. The REAL reason an ostrich more...

City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency ExamName:____________________
Gang:________________________1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got more...