Future Jokes / Recent Jokes
A - Bill Clinton
B - Warren G. Harding
C - Andrew Jackson
D - Thomas Jefferson
E - Lyndon B. Johnson
F - John F. Kennedy
G - Franklin D. Roosevelt
H - George Washington
1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he joked about being too wasted to "push the button" in case of nuclear attack?
2. Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?
3. Which president had sex with one of his secretaries stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?
4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister?
5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"?
6. Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced her first husband, and was branded an "adulterer" during his re-election campaign?
7. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife while he was engaged to more...
Men vs. Women
A man will pay $2 for an item that costs $1 if he wants it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man can forget his past mistakes: there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things.
A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is more...
Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you more...
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. 5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die. 6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. 7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does. 9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man more...
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in more...