GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND Jokes

Avoid While Waiting For Date Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House
Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello.
Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly.
Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night and ask if you can use the bathroom.
Mention that' Mr Happy' is primed and ready.
Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning.
Recite a couple of bawdy limericks.
Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived their daughter.
Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again.
Pretend to eat your arm.
Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms.

Reasons For Being Stood Up Reasons Dates Have Given For Standing Someone Up
I showed up early and decided I just didn't feel like going out after all, so I went home before you arrived.
My dog died.
My neighbor's bird died, and I had to console my neighbor.
I figured that probably wasn't your real picture, so I didn't bother coming over.
I overslept.
I took the wrong freeway exit and got lost, and after 40 minutes, I gave up, turned around, and went home.
I know I said I'd be at home at 8: 00 P. M., but I went out to a movie at 6: 00 P. M. and had such a good time out after meeting some friends at the movie that I forgot all about our date and went out to dinner with them.
I had the address, but forgot which city you lived in.
Yesterday was the last day of my vacation, so I went two-stepping and ran into my ex there, and we fell in love again during a slow dance, so I can't date you any more, but I'd still like us to be friends.
My more...

Living On Love
A hippy with no job kept begging his girlfriend to marry him. She protested for months saying he needed a job first. He always told her, "We can just live on love."
Finally, she relented and they got married. The morning after their honeymoon, she got up and sat on the heater.
The hippy asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "Heating your breakfast."

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him and got a woman. "Is Robert there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up.
When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Robert," he said.
"You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed.
"I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."