Garden Jokes

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back:

"Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
police arrived and dug up the entire area without
finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left.
That same day the old man received another letter more...

Bar Joke
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in
here!
The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
>>
Dave: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's more...

A
prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear
Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the
back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read
all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever
you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where
I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he received another letter from
his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe
what happened, some men came with shovels to the house,
and dug up the entire back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear
wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets: Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called' secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had more...