Gasps Jokes

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
The hunters "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says:

This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says:
"Doctor, I just can't have an orgasm."
"Do you masturbate?", he says.
"No luck". is the reply.
"How about cunnilingus?"
"Nope"
"Kick-start vibrator?"
"Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains.
"Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walks into the next room.
He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Her eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents.
"What is it", she gasps.
"It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long, meaty shaft from the case.
"It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch. VOODOO DICK,
hand!" he commands.
The dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eye can see.
"Ooooh", she sighs.
"VOODOO DICK, box." The more...

Two nun's come over here from Ireland. They are riding the bus from the airport to their hotel and one turns to the other and says 'these people are barbarians, i have heard that they eat dog.' the other nun gasps. they get off the bus and see a vendor selling food so the first nun walks over and asks for two dogs. he hands her two hot dogs and she quickly rejoins her companion, handing over one packet. She opens hers and gasps 'what part did you get?'

One day, two girls from Georgia were sitting on their front porch swing. One of them had just gotten back from the big city of New York and was telling her friend all about it.

She says, "You know," with a heavy southern drawl, "they have women up there who have sex with other women."

Her friend gasps, and replys, "Oh, do tell! What do they call them?"

"They call them lesbians," the first girl tells her. "And they have men who have sex with other men."

Her friend gasps once again, and says, "Oh, do tell! What do they call them?"

The first girl says, "They call them homosexuals." The first girl looks around to make sure no one is looking and whispers to her friend, "And you know... They have these men... Who'll put their face in a woman's private parts... And kinda lick around and stuff..."

The friend gasps once again and whispers back, more...

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
The hunters "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: