Gate Jokes / Recent Jokes
I had a dream that I went to heaven. I was checking in at that gate with the last three presidents of the United States. I watched as George Sr., Bill Clinton, and George Jr. all walked through a bright door with an angel as an escort. I then gave Peter my name at the gate. He checked his book and said "I'm sorry you missed it by an inch, but there is a way to get into heaven if you walk around with an ugly girl for 100 years."
I was confused and started complaining that this was not the way heaven was supposed to work. Peter took me to a window next to the bright door where I saw men and women walking around with ugly people as their penance. I became curious about the Presidents before me and asked about George Sr. Peter informed me that he missed it by an inch. He then pointed in the window as I saw George Sr. walking with some really ugly woman.
I then asked about his son, George Jr. Peter said that he had missed it by an inch. Sure enough, I looked in the window more...
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.
A crowded flight was cancelled and a single agent was in the process of rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an irate passenger pushed his way to the desk, slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I MUST be on this flight and it must be FIRST CLASS!"
"I'm sorry sir," the agent replied. "I will be more than happy to try to help you, but I must help these folks first. I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
Unimpressed, he yelled so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"
Without hesitation, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please?" her voice bellowed through the terminal. "There is a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS! If there is anyone who can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the passengers behind him laughing hysterically, he glared at more...
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re- booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I
HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your
attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the more...
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing more...
One day, a cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says,"You've been a good cat all of your life, anything you want is yours." The cat says"Well, I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wood floor." Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. The cat hops onto it and falls asleep.
A week later, five mice die and go to heaven as well. God meets them at the gate and makes them the same offer. They reply "All of our life, we've been chased by cats, dogs, and women with brooms. If only we didn't have to run anymore...." They are each fitted with a custom pair of roller skates.
A month later, God decides to check up on the cat. He asks "How are you doing? Are you happy?" Kitty answers " Life here is SUPER! Oh, and by the way, those meals on wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
St Peter is standing at heavens gate when a man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.""Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."A few moments later a second man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.""Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."A few moments later a third man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a Military Policeman, Sir.""Excellent my more...