Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You just put 'Ole died.' "
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes! and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "

Wanted FBI agents The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, "Wanted FBI agents." After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, "We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal." The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.
The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. "Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her."
The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. "I can't do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!"
The agent than says that he just isn't FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.
They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the more...

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends with the letters' u-n-t?'"

Only one word leapt to mind…

"My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another more...

An gentleman walks into the Guinness world records office and announces that he has set a new record. The man in charge says' well,... what is it?'

The gentleman says' I've completed this 200 piece jigsaw puzzle, and it only took me 18 months!'

And the man in charge says' Well,... why should that be a new world record?!' And the gentleman says' It said on the box 3 to 5 years!'

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces,"

The pharmacist said, "that won't do you any good,"

The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally, they decided it might be time for marriage. But, before tying the knot, they went out for a heart-to-heart talk over dinner about whether or not it would really work out.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, "Was that one word or two?"

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"