Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
True incident before the Aus-Rest of the World series in 71.
Ackerman:(To elderly gentleman recieving him at the airport whom he had given his bag to carry): "Are you connected with the Australian board"?
Eldery Gentleman: "Yes"
Ackerman: "Played any cricket?"
Eldery Gentleman: "Yes"
Ackerman: "Test Cricket?"
Eldery Gentleman: "Yes"
Ackerman: "Really? What's your name?"
Eldery Gentleman: Don Bradman
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject says that he did stop. The cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down. The gentleman said' Stop or slow down, what's the difference?. The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick and said, Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?
In a nearly empty London bar on a filthy winter's day, there were
several patrons quietly drinking when in comes your stereotypical
American visitor, obviously unimpressed by the country, its
weather and everything else about it.
He says loudly:
"What a lousy country. The bars are shut half the time, it's cold,
wet and windy, the beer tastes like piss and is served at the same
temperature, the streets are packed and you can't even get a cab."
Several people quietly leave.
He looks at a gentleman quietly sipping a pink gin and says:
"Hey, limey: how can you bear to live in such a miserable place?"
He is ignored, more people leave. After much more of this only
the gentleman with the pink gin, the barman and the American are
left.
He says:
"Hey, limey: I'm talking to you. I've been to damn near every
country in the world and this is the lousiest. I dunno how
you can bear to live here. This more...
The area had been hit with an epidemic of robberies perpetrated by the notorious gentleman burglar. One night Sally woke and shook Jim.
"Jim, there's a burglar in the house," she said.
"There is not," He said sleepily. "Go back to sleep, stupid."
Just then a man sprang from inside a closet. "There is...," he declared. "Now apologize to the lady."
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
there was a boy who got a train set for his birthday.one day it went around the tracks and stop at train station.
He said " all you motherf*** getting off get off and all you motherf*** getting on get on. " his mother said " did you say something?" he said"no." well the train went around again and stopped at the station.He said" all you motherf*** getting off get off and all you motherf*** getting on get on." she said "i knew you did".and sent him up too his room for 3 hours.she came back up and said "now can you speak like a gentleman?" he said"yes mam."he went down to his train and it around again and he said" all you ladies and gentleman getting off get off, and all you ladies and gentleman getting on get on... and all you motherf***s who want to talk to the 3 hour delay bitch on the couch!