George Jokes / Recent Jokes

A friend asked George, "Tell me, is your daughter's fiancée a good catch?"

"Good catch?" answered George. "Dammit, he's the best fielder we've got in the side!"

In a calmer moment, George and his wife were sitting at home. George was as usual reading some bowling averages.

"Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?" said she romantically.

"You were bold."

"No I wasn't," muttered George,"I was LBW!"

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked -"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom." Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked." Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost." Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. And Abe replied..."Go to the theater!"

A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the more...

It was an exciting match and the championship hinged on the result. George was tensely poised on the edge of his seat watching every move. His ever-patient wife asked him,

'George, What's all the fuss about? I thought they decided who were the champions last year!'

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red." Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm... yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40." The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell. His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?" So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you... you've got to help me. My penis is blue." Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400." "FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS?" Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40." "Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"

Some years ago when Bill Clinton was still President, he gave George W. Bush a tour of the White House. While there, George was amazed to find that Bill Clinton had his very own solid gold urinal! "Maybe when I'm President, I can have a gold urinal too," he thought to himself. He went back and told his wife Laura all about it. The next day, Laura Bush also visited the White House and had lunch with Hillary Clinton. During their talk, Laura mentioned the beautiful gold urinal her husband had seen in the Clinton's bathroom... but Hillary said nothing. That night when she went to bed, she told Bill: "I found out who peed in your saxophone."