George Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. While still in the lounge I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac. I was meeting with a very important client.

Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "Hello George" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.

Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, "Hi George, what's happening?"

To which I replied, "F*%& off Gates, I'm in a meeting."

After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too.
"Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner.
"No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."

Time Limit: 3 weeks
Foreign Language: What Language is spoken in France?
History: Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law, and social conditions
-OR-
Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
Religion: What religion is the Pope?
A. Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (circle only one)
Metric Conversion: How many feet equal 0.0 meters?
Physics: What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
Religion: How many commandments were Moses given? (approximately)
Geography: What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
American History: Spell Bush, Carter, and Clinton.
European History: Six kings of England have more...

Grand Lady: George. Take my dress off.

Butler: Er. Certainly, Madam.

Grand Lady: Now, George, take my shoes off.

Butler: Er. Certainly Madam.

Grand Lady: And George...

Butler: Yes, Madam.

Grand Lady: If you want to keep your job don't wear my clothes again.

George Michael bought a dry-cleaners shop, he put a sign out the front
saying "drop your pants and jacket off here"

Time Limit: 3 weeks
YOU MUST ANSWER TWO OR MORE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY TO QUALIFY!
1.) What language is spoken in France?
2.) Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.
3.) Would you ask William Shakespeare to: A. build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (D) WRITE A PLAY
4.) What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) A. Jewish (B) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic
5.) Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?
6.) What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1?
7.) How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)
8.) What are people in America's far north called? A.Westerners (b)Southerners (C)NORTHERNERS
9.) Spell - CAT, DOG, PIG
10.) Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the sixth. Name the previous five.
11.) more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the
third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on
the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge!

Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for more...