George Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days"George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???"Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer."

What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas? As little as possible, dummy!

1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show! 2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time. 3. I'll finish what Bill started - the interns.4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right? 5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP. 6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me. 7. New penal plan: I won't use mine! 8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.

I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, "Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is... well... my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs... she's hardly ever in the mood for sex... I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't understand me at all, does yours? " I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning your name at all."

George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"... well, swine flu.

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem
George's Mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.
The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5, 000. 00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150. 00.
George thinks for sometime and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do." The Consul says "You must have loved your Mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight hile saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?