Georgia Jokes / Recent Jokes

WINDERS 98
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = more...

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil. The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity. At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Georgia. The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity. At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Georgia. At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature for this man to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind. At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, the man was instead singing more...

so my cousin lives down in Georgia, red neck back woods georgia. and he was driving his pick up truck one day and he hit two black guys crossing the road. One black guy flew right through his windshield and the other went flying behind his truck. when the cops showed up he started apoligising and saying he didnt mean to. the cop goes "its ok, i can get this one for breaking and entering and that one for fleeing the scene of a crime"

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?" The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

Two men were driving through Georgia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Georgia, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Georgia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, he's clean and gives the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What"d you do that for?" the passenger more...

A 10-year-old boy has been charged with making a terrorist threat after he threatened to blow up the school. Officials then found two devices in his backpack:
-A small glass jar containing a solid white substance and a plastic sandwich bag.
-A candy wrapper about the size of an index finger, stuffed with a solid white substance.
Sounds like a Fluffernutter and a Charleston Chew. It may not be terrorism, but it's one hell of an unhealthy lunch.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN GEORGIA:
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in GEORGIA.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in GEORGIA plus a couple no one's seen before
4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
5. Onced and twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. Fixinto is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you st art drinking it when you' re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
13. DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it more...