German Jokes / Recent Jokes
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troub lesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are more...
2 men and a woman
What happens when you have:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek man and 1 Greek woman, 2 English men and 1 English woman, 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman, 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman, 2 American men and 1 American woman, 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman.
One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage à trois.
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the more...
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex. So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. The next day the meet. The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours." The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that." The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go' Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go,' Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts more...
Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley? A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant? The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.