Girls Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other.
He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.
She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone."
So she plays it while he screws her sister.
A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy."
The other girl says, "Gee... do you think he'll remember us?"

Once Upon Atime There Was A Man.
He Says I Have Two Daughters Both Are Girls.

A father and his three beautiful, blonde, daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says, "If you don't do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
Fearing for his life, he did it with her.
Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said, "If you don't do it with me, I'll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
Again fearing for his life, he agreed.
Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said, "If you more...

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free... taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, more...

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said,' From all of us at the more...

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50. 00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird`s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation more...

There is three girls who are dead and they're waiting to get into heaven. Well the man at the gates said, " there was a shootout down on thirty fourth street and we have to send a few people down to he**.Plus, you girls' records are toooooooo clean, if you can go back to earth and do the worst thing possible in 6 hours, i will let all of you in." with that they were sent back down to earth and they only had 5 hrs and 55 min to do the worst thing possible. The first girl robbed the bank on 33rd street and the second girl killed her father. when they went back up to heaven the man asked them what they did the first girl replyed, " i robbed the bank on 33rd street." so he let her drink the holy water and go into heaven. Next he asked the second girl what she did and she replyed, "i killed my father." The man was blown away but he let her drink the water and go into heaven. Last he asked the remaining girl what she did and she said, "I peed in the holy more...