Glad Jokes / Recent Jokes

I'm Glad I'm A Woman I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don't brag to my buddies about my erections I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing I don't have body hair like shag carpeting It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride! And I more...

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections;
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.
I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing--
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over You can't see my crack.
I'm a woman, alas-- and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I more...

Bob's father and friends were throwing him the best bachelor party ever. There were hookers and strippers, tons of food, and best of all, some great porno flicks.

Feeling the beer, Bob's dad stands up and hollers to get everyone's attention.

"I want to propose a toast to my son! Bob, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."

"But, Pop," Bob said, I'm not getting married until tomorrow!"

Bob's dad interrupted and said, "Like I said, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Earl!
Earl who?
Earl be glad to get to bed, I'm tired! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Earl!
Earl who?
Earl be glad to tell you when you open this door!

"So glad to meet you" said the Hindu politely? "Charmed Im sure ", replied the snake!

A certain English lady visited Switzerland and was having difficulty finding a room, so she asked the local schoolmaster to help her. After a satisfactory room had been found, she returned to her home and did some packing.Suddenly, it occured to her that she hadn't noticed a W.C. (in England, the toilet is called a Water Closet), so she wrote the schoolmaster about the W.C.The Schoolmaster, not knowing the meaning, asked the parish priest and together they decided that it must mean "Wayside Chapel." He wrote her the following letter:
Dear Madame,It is my pleasure to inform you that there is a W.C. just 9 miles from your home, in the center of a grove of pine trees. It seats 229 people, and it is open on Thursdays and Sundays. This is an unfortunate situation if you are in the habit of going regularly. You will, no
doubt, be glad to hear that some people bring their lunches and make a day of it.I would especially recommend Thursdays, for then there is an Organ more...

Everyday I give thanks to God I was born a man instead of a broad When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee I go to a barber, not a beauty salon Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts I use my turn signal, I understand sportsMan, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am I don't go through a faze every 28 daysMan, I'm glad I'm a man I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john I don't throw a fit when I break a nail I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass I don't ask my friends about the size of my assMan, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am I don't face the pain of water-weight gain Man, I'm glad I'm a manLet me tell you ladies Listen to me ladies I love those things more...