Gloria Jokes / Recent Jokes

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever
see a smart woman with a dumb guy." -- Erica Jong
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." -- Dolly Parton
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." --
Wendy Liebman
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to." --
Erma Bombeck
"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." --
Sue Grafton
"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew
hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky
"I think -- therefore I'm single." -- Lizz Winstead
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. more...

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the watercooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend Work jokes. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?""Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and thenuse any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off yourdress and you'll have fantastic s*x!""What should I do?" asked Gloria. Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Gloria.
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm absolutely delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Gloria
December 16th
Dear John:
Well, aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens.. they are simply darling, but I must insist... you're just too kind.
Love, Gloria
December 17th
Today, the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Gloria
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today, the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each more...

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

Men vs. Women Men and women are not alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged: RELATIONSHIPS: First, a man does not call a relationshipo a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis." When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup - at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have more...