Gold Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks.
Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches,
he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to
destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of
gold coins.
The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO!
Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest
and walks to the casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE!
So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to
one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
The deep voice says: 27!
He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts.
Everybody is quiet when the croupier more...
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says: OPEN! Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins. The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO! Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino. The deep voice says: ROULETTE! So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice says: 27! He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stops at the 26. The deep voice says: SHIT !
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait a minute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?" St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have more...
Teacher: As You All Have Read The Properties Of Gold So, John Tell Me, What Will Happen If Gold Is Kept In Open Air? John: Ma'm It Will Get Stolen.
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.
If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be "Prince of Weasels", because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, "What the-?" And then they would recognize me, and go, "Oh, it's you, the Prince of Weasels."
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't more...
Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains? A: So they know where to stop shaving.