Gold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the Polak that won a gold medal in the Olympics? He had it bronzed.

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!
That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

The Clintons had the Gores over for dinner one night at the White House. During dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned, they finished dinner and left.
On the drive home, Al turned to Tipper and said, "Were you aware that Bill has a solid gold urinal in his bathroom? How can we possibly tell the American people we're serious about cutting the budget when the President has a solid gold urinal?"
"There must be some mistake," Tipper replied. "I'll telephone Hillary when we get home and ask her about it."
When they arrived home, Tipper phoned Hillary and asked, "Is it true that Bill has a solid gold urinal in his bathroom?"
Hillary covered the receiver with her hand and whispered, "Bill, I've just discovered who peed in your saxaphone!"

Hi Erma,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves.
Then, to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room. By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling.
While the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the more...

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

Joe: I won it in a race.

Bill: How many people participated in it?

Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

John came home from work one afternoon, and being horny as hell took his
beautiful girlfriend, Suzy, upstairs to the bedroom. He proceeded to
undress her, but before he took his pants off, he removed a packet of
condoms from his pocket. "What are those?" Suzy asked."Olympic condoms" replied John."What makes them Olympic?"Suzy asked. "There are three colors, gold, silver and bronze," said John."Which color are you planning to wear tonight?" asked Suzy."Gold of course!" replied John."Well" said Suzy "Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change!"

Once our Santa ended up getting drunk at this place called the Golden Cafe.
Well, he comes home and tells his wife, Jeeto, 'You wouldn't believe it there! The floor is gold, the ceiling's gold, the chandelier is gold, even the urinals are gold!'
Jeeto can't believe this so she calls the place up and asked to speak with the manager. She said, 'Is it true that your floor is gold?'
The guy says, 'Yes.'
The wife continues down the list. 'Is it true that even your urinals are gold?'
The manager turns around to another guy and says, 'Hey, I think we found the guy who messed up your saxophone last night.'