Golden Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn't quite remember the address to the house. ''I'm sure this is the one," said the driver. ''Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.'' Replied one of the others, ''I'll go knock on the door, and check. If it's the wrong house, at least I'll get to a toilet!''
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once....No answer. He rings it again... Still no answer. So, he thinks, ''This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.'' So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he approached the back door, he was suprised to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he'd just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can't find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, more...
Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.
One night, a man comes home slightly drunk and his wife (who is suspecting
he's cheating on her) questions his whereabouts...
Wife: "Where were you??"
Man: "I was at this new bar called the Golden Bar. Everything is golden"
Wife: "Sure you were. There's no such place!"
Man: "There is! They have huge golden doors, a golden floors, and even
golden urinals!"
Wife: "Oh, I BELEIVE you 100%"
So, the next day the wife looks through the phone book for this golden bar.
She's surprised when she finds a Golden Bar located across town. She decides
to call up and check this out for herself...
Wife: "Is this the Golden Bar?"
Bartender: "Yes it is.."
Wife: "Do you have huge golden doors?"
Bartender: "Yes we do..."
Wife: "Do you have golden floors??"
Bartender: "We have them, too..."
Wife: "What about golden more...
A frog walks into a bank and says “I wanna loan. ”
“Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black’s desk, she is the loan manager, I’m sure she will be happy to talk to you, ” The head desk says.
The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black’s desk and says, “I wanna loan. ”
Mrs. Black says, “Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here…” At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.
She asks, confused, “What is this? ”
The frog croaks back, “I wanna loan. ” She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, “I don’t get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is? ”
The boss laughs and says, “It’s a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan! ”
Everything in this bar is golden!!!
Golden carpets, golden shotglasses, golden beermats...
After one too many drinks he stumbles into what he thinks is the toilet and theres even a golden urinal!!
The man goes home and tells his wife about this place and she isnt convinced, so in the morning she fones the bar and says, "Is every thing in your bar golden..? Golden carpets, golden shotglasses, golden beermats???"
"Yes" ansers the bartender..
"What about a golden urinal???"
"Hold on" says the bartender....
"Eddie.. I think we found the guy who leaked in your saxafone!!!".
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and more...