Gone Jokes / Recent Jokes

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish. ’ ‘Me first! Me first! ’ says the admin clerk. ‘I wantto be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. ’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next! ’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. ’ Puff! He’s gone. ‘OK, you’re up, ’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager smiles and say, ‘I want those two back in the office after the lunch-time. ’ Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say!!!

A woman and her friend are sitting together having lunch after one of the women's husband's funeral service. The friend asks the woman if her husband had any life insurance, and the widow answered her. "Well, he had $10, 000 in life insurance, but it is all gone." "All gone?", the friend asks, shocked. "Yes", said the widow." I don't understand", says the friend. "How did you already go through $10, 000?" "Well, it is really not as bad as you think." says the widow." I had to pay $5500 for his funeral and burial, $500 was donated to the church for the service, $1000 was what I spent on his suit, and $3000 was for the memorial stone." Puzzled, the friend looks at the widow and says "That must have been a huge stone for $3000!"The widow answers: "Yeah, it was 3 carats!"

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the more...

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW?
A: Four. Two in front, two in back.
Q: How can you tell if you have an elephant in your fridge?
A: All the Jell-o is gone
Q: How can you tell if you have two elephants in your fridge?
A: All the Jell-o is gone, and there's tracks in the butter
Q: How can you tell if you have three elephants in your fridge?
A: All the Jell-o is gone, there's tracks in the butter, and the roast is half eaten.
Q: How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked out front.

An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery.
Pausing before one gravestone, he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts and if anyone has gone to Heaven, he has."
They walked on a bit farther and then came to another grave.
The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now, there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to Hell, he has."
The little boy thought for awhile and then said, "You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky."
"Why"? asked the old man in surprise.
"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money to draw on!"

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything any time!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, any time!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets more...